Dragging Him Along or Giving Him a Fair Chance

this photo has no purpose beyond being awesome. 

I wish sometimes that I didn't write so much about dating, sometimes I worry that I sound like there isn't anything else to my life. Well, unless you want me to write about the finer points of grammatical editing and inDesign strategies, I rarely have anything else to write about.

Anyway, I've noticed that girls often get accused of one of two things while in the experimental phase of dating.  Maybe to better understand this (esp. if you're a guy) you may need to read this post I wrote which was the best piece of advice I have for men about dating, and it still is my best piece of advice.  

When I say the "experimental phase of dating" I'm talking about the very beginning, when you're testing out the waters with someone you don't know super well. Women often are accused of either "dragging the guy along" or "not giving him a fair chance." Um, that is one freaking fine line, so fine that most of the time we ladies don't even see it. 

I hope you read the post linked above because it explains that when a guy decides to ask a girl out he usually already likes her and thinks of her in that way and hopes, if not fully believes, that there is potential with her. Problem is there is a good chance (at least a 50% chance) that the lady in question hasn't gotten that far. So, the man is all in and gung-ho when the lady is experimenting and testing. Two completely different phases.  

Here is the problem that arises: If the girl has doubts at all or merely doesn't know how she feels by the third to fifth date she's got a choice to make. The choice is to continue and find out for sure or call it quits.  The bigger problem: If she breaks it off she's accused of not giving him a fair chance. If she keeps going in order to cement her feelings one way or the other about the situation, she's "dragging him along"-- neither of these things sounds good. And, like girls, boys talk and thus brand girls.

The biggest problem: Men usually move faster (esp. physically) than women. Guys like to up the ante in the relationship within the first few dates, thus creating a more serious dating relationship, which is fine and all, but this is how girls get a little trapped. If a girl admits to not knowing how she feels once this ante has been upped guys get ticked.

Here is the double-edged sword with men (as women see it): Guys say to just tell them or "stop" them if we aren't ready to cement the relationship with physical tolkens of affection, like kissing. Okay fine. I tried that once with a guy I kinda liked, but wasn't sure about. You know what happened? I hurt his pride, he got mad and never talked to me again. Then there was one time when I wasn't sure and so I just went along with it, then later backed out of the relationship and he got mad and never talked to me again.

What?

Dating is a fine balance of a lot of things.  It's designed that way for a good reason. If dating were easy peasy we'd all get married right out of the gate to the wrong person. But, if it's already delicate and difficult, why make it harder?  Let's all just cool down a little and give each other fair chances by 1. asking out on real dates, 2. wait a little longer to add in the physical stuff and 3. give each other the time to decide.