Dear Men [from my past]
To my once upon a timers, without the happily ever afters,
1.) Dear BFF turned Love #1,
Remember that one time when we were best friends and trusted each other completely? That was fun. Remember when everything was falling apart and I was confused and couldn't figure out what was going on? Remember that fight when you yelled, "we stopped being friends a long time ago, when we started dating!" at me and then it all made sense?
2.) Dear BFF turned Love #2,
We were friends for five years, then we went on 13 dates in three weeks. (Did you realize it was that many?) Remember when you'd made me translate things from Romanian and teach you how to pronounce the cities your ex was serving in, because ironically she went (cough* cough* cough*)... stole my mission? That drove me nuts. I should have known then.
Remember at Christmastime you showed me on our date (your word not mine) the gifts you were going to send her, then got me nothing. I definitely should have known then. Remember how you still won't leave me alone, even though I've liked you for a long time, but you don't really care, but seem like you do sometimes? I guess I'll never really know.
3.) Dear First Love,
It's incredibly rude to cheat on me with a girl with my name, then marry her. You really should have had the decency to pick a girl with a different name. I guess you never had to worry about using the wrong name. Nice one.
4.) Dear "Man of My Dreams" (who I waited around for two years for, then got burned by),
Wow, I've never been given less of a chance. And your welcome for using me as a rebound.
5.) Dear First Guy to NOT Ask Me on a Second Date,
Thanks for the reality check. I still think you missed out though. I'm awesome.
6.) Dear First Kiss,
You're a douche.
7.) Dear Provo Boy,
You need some therapy before you actually hurt someone. I suggest Dr. Matt Draper.
8.) Dear Oompa Loompa,
I'm sorry about my teenaged idiocy... I was a teenager.
9.) Dear Boy Next Door,
Thanks for being nice and not getting weird after you know what.
10.) Dear Bend and Snap,
Do you hate me?
11.) Dear Bond,
You should love me. We'd be great. But I know you won't, and that's okay.
12.) Dear Mr. Been-in-my-life-forever,
Please, please, please move away and marry someone else already. Please. It'd make things so much easier.
13.) Dear Dressed in Blue,
I'm sorry.
1.) Dear BFF turned Love #1,
Remember that one time when we were best friends and trusted each other completely? That was fun. Remember when everything was falling apart and I was confused and couldn't figure out what was going on? Remember that fight when you yelled, "we stopped being friends a long time ago, when we started dating!" at me and then it all made sense?
2.) Dear BFF turned Love #2,
We were friends for five years, then we went on 13 dates in three weeks. (Did you realize it was that many?) Remember when you'd made me translate things from Romanian and teach you how to pronounce the cities your ex was serving in, because ironically she went (cough* cough* cough*)... stole my mission? That drove me nuts. I should have known then.
Remember at Christmastime you showed me on our date (your word not mine) the gifts you were going to send her, then got me nothing. I definitely should have known then. Remember how you still won't leave me alone, even though I've liked you for a long time, but you don't really care, but seem like you do sometimes? I guess I'll never really know.
3.) Dear First Love,
It's incredibly rude to cheat on me with a girl with my name, then marry her. You really should have had the decency to pick a girl with a different name. I guess you never had to worry about using the wrong name. Nice one.
4.) Dear "Man of My Dreams" (who I waited around for two years for, then got burned by),
Wow, I've never been given less of a chance. And your welcome for using me as a rebound.
5.) Dear First Guy to NOT Ask Me on a Second Date,
Thanks for the reality check. I still think you missed out though. I'm awesome.
6.) Dear First Kiss,
You're a douche.
7.) Dear Provo Boy,
You need some therapy before you actually hurt someone. I suggest Dr. Matt Draper.
8.) Dear Oompa Loompa,
I'm sorry about my teenaged idiocy... I was a teenager.
9.) Dear Boy Next Door,
Thanks for being nice and not getting weird after you know what.
10.) Dear Bend and Snap,
Do you hate me?
11.) Dear Bond,
You should love me. We'd be great. But I know you won't, and that's okay.
12.) Dear Mr. Been-in-my-life-forever,
Please, please, please move away and marry someone else already. Please. It'd make things so much easier.
13.) Dear Dressed in Blue,
I'm sorry.
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