Be Careful What You Say
Be careful what you say to others and about others.
Don't pretend that what you do and say doesn't affect other people.
I watched one of those "Ted Lectures" about belonging and vulnerability and the woman speaking made a really interesting point, she said that when she did a research project on the concept of belonging she would ask people to describe a concept through a life experience.
She asked them to describe "being in love/being loved" and they would give examples of time in their life when a love was lost. She then asked them about the concept of "belonging" and then they would give her an example of a time they were excluded. She asked what "being connected" meant and everyone responded with stories of feeling disconnected.
Negative experiences and negative words carve themselves deeply on our souls, on our visions of ourselves and can ultimately affect who we become.
I am an extremely guarded and self-preserving person. I sadly avoid connection on a lot of levels. This I know to be a relatively unattractive personal quality. I'm trying to overcome it. It's a slow process.
I take a lot to heart, even though I act as if I don't. The way I'm treated and the things others say about me affect me deeply, and I've allowed myself to become a very scarred person.
Honestly I don't think badly of others often. It happens, I'd be lying to imply that I've never had a negative thought. Because I rarely think negatively of others I'd always be surprised when I found out that others think negative things about me. Once I started to realize that there are a fair amount of negative things being said about me (I was in high school when I first started grasping this-- somehow I managed to get out of middle school unscathed) I became terribly guarded and defensive.
Once I heard that a group of girls that I worked with would sit around at times and talk about how rude I seemed (I've always been a bit of a loner, shyness comes off as rudeness too frequently). After a while I started to think that I was kind of a rude person.
Then I heard people talk about how I come off condescending (again with the loner-ness), I started to wonder if I was just mean.
I've allowed, over years and years, other's words define who I am.
Beyond defining someone's image of themselves, being unkind, even if you think they won't know, can define a person's self-confidence.
A person who once meant a great deal to me came to my homecoming party after I had come home from living in Romania. I came around a corner and overheard her say to someone else that I had become a "brainwashed drone" that she didn't want around her kids anymore. She wasn't a fan of Mormons and she didn't like that I had gone on a Mormon mission. I was shocked to hear what she said. I haven't felt comfortable around her since.
Don't be the person that other's can't feel comfortable around.
Don't mark someone's identity with negativity.
Earn some Love Karma and give love .
Don't pretend that what you do and say doesn't affect other people.
I watched one of those "Ted Lectures" about belonging and vulnerability and the woman speaking made a really interesting point, she said that when she did a research project on the concept of belonging she would ask people to describe a concept through a life experience.
She asked them to describe "being in love/being loved" and they would give examples of time in their life when a love was lost. She then asked them about the concept of "belonging" and then they would give her an example of a time they were excluded. She asked what "being connected" meant and everyone responded with stories of feeling disconnected.
Negative experiences and negative words carve themselves deeply on our souls, on our visions of ourselves and can ultimately affect who we become.
I am an extremely guarded and self-preserving person. I sadly avoid connection on a lot of levels. This I know to be a relatively unattractive personal quality. I'm trying to overcome it. It's a slow process.
I take a lot to heart, even though I act as if I don't. The way I'm treated and the things others say about me affect me deeply, and I've allowed myself to become a very scarred person.
Honestly I don't think badly of others often. It happens, I'd be lying to imply that I've never had a negative thought. Because I rarely think negatively of others I'd always be surprised when I found out that others think negative things about me. Once I started to realize that there are a fair amount of negative things being said about me (I was in high school when I first started grasping this-- somehow I managed to get out of middle school unscathed) I became terribly guarded and defensive.
Once I heard that a group of girls that I worked with would sit around at times and talk about how rude I seemed (I've always been a bit of a loner, shyness comes off as rudeness too frequently). After a while I started to think that I was kind of a rude person.
Then I heard people talk about how I come off condescending (again with the loner-ness), I started to wonder if I was just mean.
I've allowed, over years and years, other's words define who I am.
Beyond defining someone's image of themselves, being unkind, even if you think they won't know, can define a person's self-confidence.
A person who once meant a great deal to me came to my homecoming party after I had come home from living in Romania. I came around a corner and overheard her say to someone else that I had become a "brainwashed drone" that she didn't want around her kids anymore. She wasn't a fan of Mormons and she didn't like that I had gone on a Mormon mission. I was shocked to hear what she said. I haven't felt comfortable around her since.
Don't be the person that other's can't feel comfortable around.
Don't mark someone's identity with negativity.
Earn some Love Karma and give love .
At least you realized your loner-ness comes off as rudeness in High School. I really didn't realize it until I took a personality test for my current job at the age of 26. Upon reading it, I read a lot of good things that I agreed with, but what has stuck with me most is the fact that my avoidance of people makes me seem as kind of a jerk or a bit stuck up :(
ReplyDeleteI'm a guy though so what people say about me who don't know me really doesn't bother me as much. Just the missed opportunities due to my shyness isn't ideal.
I was reading last night and it struck me that the Savior was standing up in front of thousands upon thousands of people and didn't have any qualms about it. I was embracing my shyness, but have began to rethink that as the Savior is our ultimate example. Maybe shyness is a challenge I have to overcome. :)