10 Reasons Why I Hate The Current Fashion

1.) Everything is Loosey Goosey! I have these crazy things called boobs and hips, ya know like girls used to have but we're not allowed to any more. Having boobs and hips means the tunics/billowy shirts/maxi dresses just make me look pregnant, like a square or manly.... which MAKES NO SENSE!!! What happened to clothes with structure? The kind that emphasized the hour-glassy shape that used to be desirable in women. Now if we're not 5'10" and weigh 115 pounds we're fat and are required to look it! Excuse me for being normal and eating regular amounts of food.

2.) Gaudy Jewelry is UGO! I hate hate hate those "bobble" bead necklaces and bracelets that you can't move in and make your neck look twice as big as it actually is! I used to love jewelry, now I can't even remember the last time I wore jewelery. I guess I'll just stick to my watches.

3.) TACKY UGLY 70s CLOGS! What? Why? How? Who?

4.) Kim Kardashian Shoes: Ya know those intense 6" spiky heels that could kill a man. And/or those horrible strapey shoes that look more like a prison for your feet. My feet did nothing illegal so why would I want to bind them up?

5.) Ugly DownEast Modest Clothes: When DownEast first became known unto me I LOVED IT! But they've lost their touch and are now incapable of making clothes that I would ever buy. Ah DownEast I was counting on you to clothe me modestly and now I'm all alone and feel awfully deserted among the booty shorts and baggy tank-tops.

6.) Super-Short Skirts vs. Ultra Long Dresses: What happened here? Why are there only two choices these days? Why do I have to choose between having my butt hang out the back and hiding in a tent?

7.) The Exasperating Expense of Classiness: If you want to be classy- meaning you don't want to wear "billowy" clothes or short/too-tight/low/ aka skanky clothes you have to dish out hundreds of dollars for a single article of clothing. I found a button-up collar shirt that I loved and looked rather awesome in (if I do say so myself- which I do) it cost $135! What? Why? It was just cotton! I knew I should have checked the price before trying it on. Then I tried on an amazing pencil skirt that was amazing and it ran for about $98. Etc.

8.) Hooker Boots: If you aren't Julia Roberts pretending to be a hooker in Hollywood you shouldn't wear those boots. Why am I the only person who thinks this?

9.) Graphic Tees: I don't understand why I should use my chest to advertise for the brand of clothing.

10.) Ghetto-licious Definition Make Us All Look Loco!: Apparently if you can't afford to wear the classy clothes only sold at places that refuse to sell anything for less than $70 you might as well look like you're from the projects. Thank you clothing companies for furthering the class distinction.