Everything is Wrong with Me
I did something stupid. But for as stupid as I was, I feel a little bit justified as well.
I reached out to 23 of my guy friends, good guys, honest guys, and asked them to give me three to five reasons why they think I don't date much. Then I asked them to give me a brief explanation as to why that reason came to mind. I ensured anonymity to ensure honesty. I did this because I truly want to know if I'm doing something wrong, I want to do my very best.
The responses came in over the last weekend and I filtered through the 15 letters I got. I'll just give you the top three reasons.
#1- 15 out of 15 said: Your red hair. To summarize the problem they said, "it's not that it's an unattractive color, but it's not something many men care for, nor would want for their children."
#2- 9 out of 15 said: You served a mission, stating, "there is nothing attractive about a returned sister missionary."
#3- 12 out of 15 said: You seem smarter. To sum up their reasoning: "It's intimidating to worry that you'll think we're dumb. Or to not know what to talk to you about."
In short, everything is wrong with me. My physical appearance/genetic makeup, my intelligence, and my spirituality. All things I cannot and would not change.
There is so much I could say about this, but I'm a little too exhausted to do so. Feel free to comment below what you think.
Most sincerely,
and clad in heavy boots,
Nicole
Hey, guess what? I found someone who likes me with my horse teeth, being a returned missionary and being smart! I thought it would never happen... my dates have been at least 1 year apart... and yet, here I am, at almost 27, madly in love, and having someone to love me back, and love me for who I am. It's been two months, and he hasn't tried to change me... except trying to turn my skepticism into optimism :)) SO just be who you are, and do not try to change just to please guys. When you will find the man, you will leave guys behind and just be glad you didn't change :D
ReplyDeleteare these responses for real? because i'm feeling quite a bit upset about it. obviously the real issue here is the men of the world...not you. and that is all i have to say without saying something mean towards said young men.
ReplyDeleteThose responses are absolutely ridiculous, m'dear. Your red hair is AWESOME. Your intelligence is even more awesome. And your honorable RM status should be a huge indicator to them of what an incredible mother you will be. Sheesh. These guys sound pretty shallow...
ReplyDeleteWow, whatever happened to everybody loves a redhead??
ReplyDeleteI've talked to several men who like redheads. I know a huge army guy who likes redheads so much he can barely speak to them and literally giggles when he is near them (one of the funniest things I have seen) There is the idea of redheads being more fiery so I guess maybe that, coupled with higher intelligence/spirituality could be an intimidating combo for some? Or be undesirable somehow? Although, I don't see why. In reality, all of those criticisms about being too smart or more spiritual stem from a guy's own insecurities, which, while you probably get the short end of the stick, aren't your fault. I also don’t think that is unique to the LDS culture (in my experience anyhow) as that tendency seems to be prevalent among my fellow men wherever I go.
There are men out there who want an equal, I've talked to them, heck I am one, so they do exist! I think Eni is right on the money– keep being awesome and you’ll eventually sort through all the chaff to find someone who loves your beauty, brains, and spiritual brawn!
I cannot believe this! No wonder so many amazing girls are walking around single. We need to fit into the category of "dumb-blonde that goes to church for the wrong reasons;" How ridiculous. There has to be men that value intelligence, spirituality, and beauty in original fashions-- otherwise we should all throw in the towel.
ReplyDelete