Great Love
There is a conventional wisdom out there that your first true love is the only time that you will love with your complete self, and that every love that follows will not compare with the first because that first love took a piece of you when it ended. The piece of you that innocently believed that love always works out and that love really does last forever. And that that piece of you will forever be with that first love.
I suppose, that for some, this may be true. For me, I guess I just don't have that bittersweet sensibility that comes with a conventionally romantic heart. I believe that there is no such thing as one great love. I believe that notion ignores and deprives the fact we have the capacity to love greatly and wholly whenever and whomever beckons our hearts.
I have loved greatly, and suffered brutally in its death. And I can see why people say that your innocent heart will forever be with the first, but I don't see it that way. I don't believe that he has that piece of me. I am not a fractured person, missing pieces; I am whole. I may be different today for that love, but I am still whole. Different does not have to be fractured. Different doesn't have to include holes left by another. I may see love differently today than I once did, but that does not, and will not, mean that my future love will not have my whole being and my whole love. That seems selfish to me, to hold something back because of someone else's choices. What then would be the point of falling in love again if you could never love greatly or wholly? Would you be satisfied to have only the pieces of a person leftover from a past love of theirs? I would not.
Your first love required a choice to trust. That choice was likely easily made because you saw no reason to doubt your feelings. A second, a third, a fifteenth love still requires that choice, which will be ever more thoughtfully made, and therefore more sincerely given. If anything subsequent loves will receive more of you, for you've grown and become more yourself over time. I am relieved to say that I will not marry my first love, for he had my love thoughtlessly. It's seems difficult to build a life on thoughtlessness.
A comment from my cousin Natasha:
ReplyDeleteI agree, most people date at a younger age and to think that that person is going to be the one forever is a little naive. Though it does happen, we as individuals need to grow and discover who we are before we commit to what will hopefully be a life long commitment. I think you learn from those experiences, but even if you get hurt you should gain something that will help you in the future, not lose part of yourself. I went out on dates, but I never dated anyone unless I thought they had a chance at being someone I would marry. When you find someone to share your life with you accept them and grow with them. Neither you or them are perfect.
I think this is one of those things where there is no "right" answer. It's different for everyone. I've said, you know this, that for me I will never really be "over" my first love. Does that mean I'll never love again, or that I won't experience "great love" again. HELL NO. If anything it gives me hope & makes me excited for the next time this happens for me. Again, this is my personal experience & every person & every situation is different. You can't label it all the same.
ReplyDeleteI agree that I don't think you give less of yourself the second and third (etc.) times.
ReplyDeleteBut I do think that the first love is always the most different.
For me it was all new and different. I trusted faster and gave more right away. I think the last will be the one I trust the most, and the one I give most slowly.
The first love is one you will never forget. The ones in the middle you might. But the first and last are the most special.
I think it is because they are the most alike. The first was the one you gave knowingly. The last, the one that you willingly. But hey...what do I know hahaha! Thanks for the thoughts though :)