Gray Areas
This is meant as a follow up on my post about the feedback I got from the men in my life, and in a way it's a response to the post my friend wrote about my experience, but above all that this is a response to some of the intense reactions the whole thing brought about.
First: A friend of a friend's friend accused me of creating problems and basically called me an idiot because asking 15 of my friends wasn't enough of a "sample group" to find "accurate statistics"-- wow. I didn't ask for the feedback for a statistical finding, I asked my friends to give me feedback on things that I could change to improve myself. The reason I even made some of the results public was because I was so disappointed and a little hurt that the majority of the feedback I got were things that I couldn't or wouldn't change. In my pursuit of self-betterment I was picked apart physically, spiritually and intellectually. I was initially shocked and secondarily hurt. I felt a little justified in my frustrations with men.
Let me make one thing very clear: I am in no way okay with the angry and belligerent comments that were thrown at my anonymous male friends from many of my female friends. I don't have harsh feelings towards these men for giving me what they thought I was asking for; they were hypothesizing. Remember that none of you have the full facts, only I read their letters to me and if I'm not angry you probably shouldn't be. They were in no way trying to be hurtful, they were just trying to be honest. I can't fault them for that, no matter the disappointing responses.
Second: The friend of a friend's friend morphed the issue into a matter of "Mormon doctrine" a little out of no where, saying in effect, "luckily for us we understand that there is a right and wrong answer to everything, and that there is a black and white reality here. I could do a quick Facebook stalk and read past blog posts to explain the real reasons you are single." In response to this my friend denounced the idea that there is always right vs wrong in everything. He informed her that she was wrong... Sir, not everything is black and white, right and wrong. We live in a messy gray world.
We want to believe that things can be black and white, cut and dry, because then they would be simple and we'd always understand everything that is going on.
But, let's face the facts here, there are immense gray areas. How do I know this? Alma 7:11-12, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death that he lose the bands of death, which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowls may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
If life were a series of clear cut scenarios of right vs wrong, truth vs lies then why did Christ suffer our pains, infirmities temptations and weaknesses? If every thought and action and desire we have will be tallied as good or evil Christ would only have needed to suffer the pains of the punishment of our sins to wipe out the evil tally marks against us. But He elected to go through it all. I believe (as I have the right to through personal revelation) that He did this because He wanted to understand where we are coming from-- you know, those pesky little gray areas of our lives.
As Mormons we do not believe in a pass/fail grading system. We do not believe in a simple heaven and hell, because, really, where would the line be drawn? What would be good enough? What would be bad enough? Instead, we believe in multiple levels of reward, as varied as there are people, because God in His infinite wisdom, all-knowing, all-seeing perspective took gray areas into account.
If every action or decision could be summed up as wholly right or wholly wrong we all could easily look at another and stamp pass or fail on his/her forehead. We are told repeatedly in scripture and modern-day revelation to leave judgement to Him who has experienced all. We have been graciously relieved of any responsibility of judging others. Be grateful, because if your final judgement were left in the hands of anyone other than Christ and his merciful consideration of your intent you'd probably get stamped with a fail. Wouldn't we all?
The best way to show gratitude for this mercy is to extend it to others.
Third: To the accusation that my 25 years, and Brittany's 27 years are useless and meaningless-- Tell Christ that our lives lived are meaningless. I think the One who has also experienced them would have something different to say. I worry that there are those who would so quickly discount a life. I would not so quickly discount the few months of a beta fish.
First: A friend of a friend's friend accused me of creating problems and basically called me an idiot because asking 15 of my friends wasn't enough of a "sample group" to find "accurate statistics"-- wow. I didn't ask for the feedback for a statistical finding, I asked my friends to give me feedback on things that I could change to improve myself. The reason I even made some of the results public was because I was so disappointed and a little hurt that the majority of the feedback I got were things that I couldn't or wouldn't change. In my pursuit of self-betterment I was picked apart physically, spiritually and intellectually. I was initially shocked and secondarily hurt. I felt a little justified in my frustrations with men.
Let me make one thing very clear: I am in no way okay with the angry and belligerent comments that were thrown at my anonymous male friends from many of my female friends. I don't have harsh feelings towards these men for giving me what they thought I was asking for; they were hypothesizing. Remember that none of you have the full facts, only I read their letters to me and if I'm not angry you probably shouldn't be. They were in no way trying to be hurtful, they were just trying to be honest. I can't fault them for that, no matter the disappointing responses.
Second: The friend of a friend's friend morphed the issue into a matter of "Mormon doctrine" a little out of no where, saying in effect, "luckily for us we understand that there is a right and wrong answer to everything, and that there is a black and white reality here. I could do a quick Facebook stalk and read past blog posts to explain the real reasons you are single." In response to this my friend denounced the idea that there is always right vs wrong in everything. He informed her that she was wrong... Sir, not everything is black and white, right and wrong. We live in a messy gray world.
We want to believe that things can be black and white, cut and dry, because then they would be simple and we'd always understand everything that is going on.
But, let's face the facts here, there are immense gray areas. How do I know this? Alma 7:11-12, "And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death that he lose the bands of death, which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowls may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities."
If life were a series of clear cut scenarios of right vs wrong, truth vs lies then why did Christ suffer our pains, infirmities temptations and weaknesses? If every thought and action and desire we have will be tallied as good or evil Christ would only have needed to suffer the pains of the punishment of our sins to wipe out the evil tally marks against us. But He elected to go through it all. I believe (as I have the right to through personal revelation) that He did this because He wanted to understand where we are coming from-- you know, those pesky little gray areas of our lives.
As Mormons we do not believe in a pass/fail grading system. We do not believe in a simple heaven and hell, because, really, where would the line be drawn? What would be good enough? What would be bad enough? Instead, we believe in multiple levels of reward, as varied as there are people, because God in His infinite wisdom, all-knowing, all-seeing perspective took gray areas into account.
If every action or decision could be summed up as wholly right or wholly wrong we all could easily look at another and stamp pass or fail on his/her forehead. We are told repeatedly in scripture and modern-day revelation to leave judgement to Him who has experienced all. We have been graciously relieved of any responsibility of judging others. Be grateful, because if your final judgement were left in the hands of anyone other than Christ and his merciful consideration of your intent you'd probably get stamped with a fail. Wouldn't we all?
The best way to show gratitude for this mercy is to extend it to others.
Third: To the accusation that my 25 years, and Brittany's 27 years are useless and meaningless-- Tell Christ that our lives lived are meaningless. I think the One who has also experienced them would have something different to say. I worry that there are those who would so quickly discount a life. I would not so quickly discount the few months of a beta fish.
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