Dear Men-- by Nicole Shepard

Dear Men,

I kinda feel that nearly my entire blog is a “dear men” letter, with the exception of the posts directed at women.  Obviously. Anyway, I invited a lot of my friends to write a letter to either men or women and express what they’d like to say.  Most flaked out or are in the process of flaking out on me.  At first this frustrated me, and then I realized how much of an undertaking this letter thing is.  So to Shad and Krista, who were brave and bit the bullet for me, thank you.

First I hope that you know that we as women, and most especially me as an individual love you incredibly and deeply.  I am not sure that you guys fully register that fact because we can come off standoffish, crazy, mean, self-absorbed, picky, frustrated, high-maintenance or what ever else negative that you’re picking up on.  I sincerely hope that those things are not all that you feel from us.  

I’ll admit that we women are bit of a struggle at times, but at the very core of who we are there is a great deal of love, respect, appreciation and awe at how amazing and impressive you can be.

There seems to be a lot of confusion between men and women as to what is going on, what the other is thinking, and why each of us do what we do.  I honestly believe that in many ways we feel and think similarly, if not the same, it’s just the input and output of information gets muddled along the way.

Know that you are wonderful and that we see that, and even when you don’t want us to think that you are because the pressure feels like it’s mounting, don’t worry so much that you’re disappointing us, we’ll still love you and think you’re impressive.

As way of advice, one thing that I wish men knew about women is that we need to know that you care, and the best way to do that is to listen and ask questions. I know we talk a lot, but it’s our nature.  

I’m not a girl that will talk a lot about myself unless prompted.  I gravitate toward asking questions.  This often means that I know a lot about everyone and few know much about me.  This can, and often does, trouble me. And I know that I’m not alone in this. So, ask questions, especially when you’re married with kids.  You’ll come home from work and if the day at home wasn’t disastrous, more often than not your wife will ask you question after question about your day. Do the same in return, even if her first response is “the usual” or “not much” probe anyway. Get her talking. Listen.  It’ll save your relationship.

Also, be careful, oh so careful, which one of us you choose to be with.  I have seen too many of my friends marry and divorce because of the type of woman they chose (this is where actually getting to know a girl by asking lots and lots of questions comes in handy). Just be careful.  I know that may sound obvious or condescending, I don’t mean it like that, I sincerely worry.

The one thing a girl really wants, and I’ve written about this before, is a guy who will prove to her that not every guy is the same.  Be different, which shouldn’t be hard because you’re you and the only you there is.  I believe that in each and every one of you is a man who wants to be that guy for someone, that man who makes a woman’s eyes light up when she thinks of him.  And you will be, if you are just you, sincerely.

Don’t fear, don’t worry, don’t procrastinate, don’t avoid. You’re braver than you think.  You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.  And mostly you deserve you’re happily ever after too.

With love and appreciation,

Nicole

P.S. You'll be hearing more from me on the subject ;)