Respecting a Woman

I love blogging.  One of my favorite aspects of blogging is the stats section that tell you all kinds of interesting stuff about your readers.  One of my favorite parts of the stats info is the searches and keywords people used to find my blog.  One of these searches was: What does she mean when she says, 'you need to respect me.'

I laughed for a good two hours after reading that.  Poor lost soul.  I want to meet the man who Googled that. I must say that I love that my blog is what this guy found, I hope it helped... even though I've never actually written about that... in those words anyway.

Well, in case that guy winds up back here I thought I'd help him out.

I don't think this is rocket science, but I have to give a nod to the differences in communication styles between men and women, and maybe the concept of "respect" is in fact different between us (oh gee I hope not).  Once upon a time I wrote this post about why men and women fight, in it I talk about how women want to feel safe and secure at all times, I also talked about how men want to feel trusted and respected.  I guess in some ways this concept of respect is a bit different.  "Respect" for men seems to be (at least somewhat) a synonym for trust.  Guys like to feel like others trust them to take care of their own business, to get the job done and to do it (more or less) without help.  Acting as if a guy can't handle the situation he's in seems as a lack of respect to men.  This idea of respect plays a part in what women mean when they want respect. It lines up with the concept that "anything you can do I can do better" that we women love.

But like I said, that's only part of it. There's more.  (Isn't there always with women? Sheesh!) When I feel disrespected it's often because of two related reasons --apart from the previously mentioned, I don't like being told my business:

1.) Removal of safety (socially, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.). I am not ever okay with the situation when I feel like I'm left hanging or put into an unsafe situation. If you do something that makes a girl feel stupid (when you're alone or with others it doesn't matter) you have removed her social/emotional safety = not okay = disrespect.  If you impose yourself, in any way, physically/sexually (even kissing her before she wants to) you are telling her that your "needs" and wants are more important than her feelings of security and she feels horribly degraded and disrespected. 

2.) Not keeping her in the loop: This is related to the concept of safety and security.  This is like the tax bill scenario in the linked-above post, but also includes not keeping her in the loop about what's going on socially, financially, with you emotionally (I know, I know you hate the feelings talk, but hun it ain't ever going away), or however else.  If you keep us out of the loop we don't feel like we've got steady ground.  A good way to avoid pointless fights and DTRs is just to tell her stuff when it comes up. 

There you go, what respecting women means.  You're welcome.