Lean into the Discomfort

 "Don't allow the coldness and fear of others to tarnish your perfectly vulnerable beating heart.  Nothing is more powerful than allowing yourself to truly be affected by things... Look around you. All of this is for you.  Take it and have gratitude.  Give it and feel love." ~ Zooey Deschanel  

My friend Brittany works with addicts of all sorts while they are sobering up, aka one of the most difficult and formative times in their lives.

When I was a missionary I worked with alcoholics and smokers while they quit, so on a small scale I get what she deals with.  Working with addicts taught me that when you're addicted it's more than physical, it's emotional, it's mental, it defines who you are, and that is some powerfully negative stuff.  And when you're detoxing and cleaning yourself up, yet again, it's not just physical, if it were detox would be easy.  You have to get all the garbage out, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. 

So, while Brittany is helping people go through detox she hears a lot of devastating, deeply emotional, and spiritually heavy stuff.  Once her boss told her that eventually her job would make her hard, but that's not Brittany's style.  She said that she wants to always feel everything that these people tell her, she wants empathy and love for them, and if, heaven forbid, when they leave, if they slip and don't make it she wants to mourn that loss.

This reminded me of the saying "lean into the discomfort."

Such a beautiful lesson.

We are weak most of the time and try our hardest to avoid discomfort along with anything that may cause it.  But going forward through the discomfort is what life is all about.  Sheri Dew, CEO of Deseret Book, once said, "it's much easier to inspire someone to do something difficult than something easy."  We are actually hardwired to do hard stuff, to make miracles happen, so why do we spend so much time looking for the path of least resistance?

The number one factor in leaning into the discomfort is vulnerability, or the willingness to do something with no guarantee. You know those people who realize that vulnerability is necessary for love and happiness so they just march into with abandon? Well, I'm not that person, at all.  In fact I don't even hang out with people like that. 

I wish I were more that way, and so I've taken my goal to be more vulnerable very seriously.  It's been baby steps (even though I feel like I've flung myself off of a cliff a couple times), and I'm trying to figure it out. 

But what are we really so afraid of? Rejection? Hurt? Embarrassment? Failure? Do any of these things even matter? Does "protecting" ourselves from ever being hurt or rejected ever actually work to our benefit? Do you feel better after shielding yourself all the time? I don't. Does it even accomplish anything? 

Think about it, if you're so afraid that you'll be rejected and alone, and thus avoid any circumstance in which that might happen, doesn't that just leave you alone anyway?

We can not select which emotions we numb or avoid; when we "protect" ourselves from negative experiences like rejection, failure, embarrassment or shame we, by default, deny ourselves happiness, love, joy, and fulfillment.  There is a reason why we're told by the all-knowing God that repentance isn't repentance until we have a broken heart and a contrite spirit, aka some serious vulnerability. Vulnerability is how we become stronger, better people.

I know I've been riding this subject for months now, and maybe I'm beating a dead horse, but I really believe that there is always a better, more honest life to be lived by continually trying to be vulnerable, to love with a whole heart, and to really be seen by exposing who we really are.