The Big Gesture

What happened to the idea of big gestures?  I know what men would say: They're too expensive!  Why is it always about the bottom line with you people?

I'm not talking about rented helicopters and mariachi bands, or candle-lit dinners on the rooftop of some fancy building, or professing love though light, puffy clouds trailing behind a looping plane.  Men, women aren't as expensive as you are (read this).  We'd never ever spend money things like those, so why would you?

When I say "big gestures" I'm talking about things that take a lot of thought, personalization, and at least some time.  Here are some examples:

#1 Letters (aka e-mails):
Once upon a time I literally fell in love with a fella through letters (in the form of emails). These were not your run-of-the-mill, save some time emails, they were long, thought out, took time to write emails. For the summer we had to spend apart they meant everything.

Nobody does that anymore! People just "shoot each other a text" or put a funny link on each other's Facebook page. The biggest written gesture these days is a proclamation to the Facebook world of how much Betty loves her boyfriend Jimmy in the form of a status update; and maybe, just maybe Jimmy will reciprocate by changing his relationship status! Meanwhile all of their friends are gagging and rolling their eyes and unsubscribing from Betty and Jimmy's feeds.

#2 Cards/Gifts Sent in the Mail:
People subconsciously love two things more than most other things, their names and getting non-bill items in the mail, especially when they don't know it's coming.  Think of the last time you got home from a long day at work and your roommate nonchalantly tells you that you've got a package that you weren't expecting.  Excited much? Even better, it has your name on it!

I once knew a girl who liked this guy, and she mysteriously got a hold of his address (the internet provides creepy things), so she sent him an inside joke in the form of a dollar store item. The guy responded, now in possession of her address, by showing up at her apartment, organizing with her roommates, and baked the girl a cake at her own apartment so that when she got home from work that night, there sat this guy with a freshly frosted red velvet cake at her kitchen table. All because of the mail system.

What?! No one does that!

Best thing about mail is that it's a kind of all in one thing, you can send stuff to your mom, your grandma, and all those pesky people who don't have Facebook.  It's really quite an impressive invention, that mail system.

#3 Surprises:
People say they don't like surprises, but what they really mean is that they don't like surprises caught on video, involving lots of people, screaming, or any type of surprise that requires them to react quickly and positively without any preparation.

What people do like (akin to unplanned packages full of wonderful things) is pleasant surprises.  Let's say you're dating someone, it's early in the process, but it's going well, and let's say he/she works at a restaurant...

Bad surprise: showing up at his/her restaurant with a mariachi band and flowers and a video camera.  Why is that bad? 1.) loud, 2.) awkward, 3.) camera, 4.) angry boss.

Good surprise: showing up with a couple of your friends, sitting in her/his area during a time you know to be slower, just because you wanted to see him/her. Nicely played.

Anything that is kind, personalized, and honestly meant is a good surprise.

#4 Calling just to say "hello":

My favorite love song of all time is Neil Diamond's "Hello, Again" I literally melt a little whenever I hear it. It's just a song about a guy who has to be away from his lady and so he calls her just to say "hello."

No one really calls each other anymore and it's sad.  We're getting further and further from real connection that it's kinda scary.

So call him/her/mom/dad/grandma/grandpa/friends/brothers/sisters/whoever just to say "hello, because it's good to need you so. " (aw Neil, you sweetie pie you).

I hope this post inspired you to do a big gesture (even if it's little) for someone else, which is far more productive than reading this and feeling bad that no one does these things for you. If and when you do let us know down in the comment section.

You cannot control the behavior of those around you, but you can control what you do and how you do it.

Go, be golden.