Scoring Points With Your Significant Other
I was reading a research article on the emotional differences between men and women and their effects on relationships a while back (wow-zah! and quite the topic it was) and I learned something interesting that I have been thinking about for the last little while.
Apparently in the world of men the bigger the gesture the more points. If you do a small act of service for a man you'll get one or two points (assuming he notices). If you do a grandiose gesture you'll get points equal to the size of the gesture, anywhere from 20-1,000. This seems logical and obvious.
Apparently in the world of men the bigger the gesture the more points. If you do a small act of service for a man you'll get one or two points (assuming he notices). If you do a grandiose gesture you'll get points equal to the size of the gesture, anywhere from 20-1,000. This seems logical and obvious.
Women on the other hand are a bit different... everything and I mean everything you do as a kind or thoughtful gesture earns you one point. Planning a candle-lit dinner on a garden rooftop in Manhattan on a perfectly clear night, with soft music playing in the background, her favorite meal, and ending by presenting her with the perfectly selected gift earns you one point. Point well earned. If you come home and your lady is in a bad mood so you wash the dishes and clean up so she can have a calm moment you get one point. Point well earned. It doesn't matter what you do, thoughtfulness to a woman is all the same, there is no relativity. (This may sound a little unfair to men out there, but in reality your job is a lot easier. It is far easier to do something small and rack up points that way than it is for her to have to worry if you'll even notice. So this time fellas you've lucked out.)
The way they came up with these findings was that for a year they followed 500 married or "committed" couples around the US and coached men on what they could do for women (e.g. leave a love note on the mirror; wash dishes without being asked; plan a big romantic dinner; buy fancy gifts; get the kids ready for bed; run a bubble bath; etc.) and then vice versa for the women in regards to their men (leave a love note in their briefcase; make their favorite food for dinner; surprise them with tickets to their favorite sports team or other desired event; offer sex more often; etc.).
At the end of each month they sat down with each lady and gentleman individually and asked them (verbally) on a scale that looked like this: 1-oh I forgot about that! 2- yeah that was nice. 3-I felt really good afterward 4-I felt appreciated/loved 5-I can't believe they did that! It was so thoughtful/cool/nice! or OTHER____. They noticed that after interviewing women, no matter what the kind gesture was they not only always remembered it but almost always (across the board) marked the gesture as a 5, showing all the physical cues of appreciation and happiness. With the men it was a completely different story; when asked about the small thoughtful things their women had done they often responded, "Oh! I forgot about that!" or required further prompting to remember it at all, then awarding the gesture a 2 or 3. But when the bigger gestures were brought up then men almost entirely chose the "other" option awarding large-numbered points.
The way they came up with these findings was that for a year they followed 500 married or "committed" couples around the US and coached men on what they could do for women (e.g. leave a love note on the mirror; wash dishes without being asked; plan a big romantic dinner; buy fancy gifts; get the kids ready for bed; run a bubble bath; etc.) and then vice versa for the women in regards to their men (leave a love note in their briefcase; make their favorite food for dinner; surprise them with tickets to their favorite sports team or other desired event; offer sex more often; etc.).
At the end of each month they sat down with each lady and gentleman individually and asked them (verbally) on a scale that looked like this: 1-oh I forgot about that! 2- yeah that was nice. 3-I felt really good afterward 4-I felt appreciated/loved 5-I can't believe they did that! It was so thoughtful/cool/nice! or OTHER____. They noticed that after interviewing women, no matter what the kind gesture was they not only always remembered it but almost always (across the board) marked the gesture as a 5, showing all the physical cues of appreciation and happiness. With the men it was a completely different story; when asked about the small thoughtful things their women had done they often responded, "Oh! I forgot about that!" or required further prompting to remember it at all, then awarding the gesture a 2 or 3. But when the bigger gestures were brought up then men almost entirely chose the "other" option awarding large-numbered points.
This makes so much sense as to why men are always trying to pull off some grand gesture to impress the girl and why girls are always concerned with the small and simple things. Too bad it doesn't translate better.
Just some food for thought.
Love this! Very interesting and educational. :)
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