The Perks of Being Awkward

The other day in my visual rhetoric class my professor, Dr. Bonnie Kyburz, professed some intense wisdom that had me reeling in deep thought for days. She said that,

 "all things truly beautiful, sincere, and honest are awkward." 

Give that a good mull over in your brain. The truth behind that statement has really stuck with me. Now, I, being who I am, will relate this back to human relationships... most specifically romantic relationships. 

awkward beauty

I have a tried and tested method for getting guys to ask me out. This method has risen to illustrious fame amongst my lady friends. Why? Because it works. Problem is I've never been able to use it on a man that I have any real interest in. Why? Because my sincere and honest feelings for him are way too awkward for me to express smoothly. So instead I use my method on guys that I wouldn't mind going out with, as opposed to those who I really really want.

Being smooth is over-rated. Trust me I know. It's gotten me no where worthwhile. And from my perspective someone who is really "smooth" is someone you keep your distrustful eye on, and that's coming from a me, a girl with a tried and tested method... think that one over.

As an example of this I'm going to tell you about my friend's recent experience. She met this guy, and he said everything exactly right. Flattered her in all the right ways at all the right times. I remember thinking that he was either the perfect guy (which doesn't actually exist) or a douche lord in disguise (as they often are). Sweeping her off her feet and getting her to overlook the negative in him was a little too easy for him.

Suspicious. 

When she finally gave up any reservations she might have had about him and was openly sold on him he ripped off his sweetie pie costume to reveal the scaly manipulator that lie beneath. Suddenly he wanted her to know that he wasn't as serious or committed to her as she was to him, and that he "didn't know" what he did to make her think that he was. He made sure that she felt as small and insignificant as he possibly could. He played on her previously disclosed insecurities, but didn't want her to think that he wasn't still interested in dating her too, he just wanted the freedom to date anyone else who caught his fancy.

Shocking. (insert eye roll here)

A series of events transpired that showed that he only put forth the charming and smooth act when he worried she wouldn't be around when he wanted her for his personal gratification. His lack of sincerity could be seen in his lack of insecurity or awkwardness.

When I genuinely like a guy I'm not smooth, not even a little bit. I get jittery and weird, I trip over things and walk into door frames or low hanging branches (and cut my forehead open...). I become a flaming hot mess. Why? Because I sincerely want him to like me, and that sincerity is felt in every raw nerve ending, causing me to lose focus and look ridiculous. It's either that or I ignore him and hope he'll risk awkwardness and, more often than not, I fade into the abyss. 

We innately want to avoid appearing awkward, due to pesky self-preservation and all. But, we also appreciate a relatively awkward display of honesty from time to time. 

When the stakes are high because they are honest, sincere, and have the ability to create something beautiful we can either fly our awkward flag, or we can fade into the abyss and settle for something a little less honest, a little less sincere, and a lot less beautiful. 

The choice is ours. I hope we are brave enough to choose awkwardness over the abyss.