The Evolution from Dating to Relationship (On the Practical End of Things)

Not too long ago I got into a tiff, a spat if you will, with a young fellow about a first date idea he had. While chatting on Facebook (strike one-face or phone or no deal, and no texting doesn't count) he asked me if I would like to go to a certain sporting event with him and a couple of his sport fan friends (strike two-I don't want to be worried about trying to impress your friends on our first date). This particular sport is not one of my favorites and it sounded a little overwhelming to me and so I declined asking for another option to which he acted severely annoyed and starting telling me that I wasn't open to new things (strike three- not wise to verbally attack a person while asking them out).

Obviously this conversation didn't end up going well and I never heard from him again.  Oh well.  It later occurred to me that guys these days (and maybe girls who ask guys out-- I wouldn't know because I don't do that) don't understand the concept of evolution, ya know starting small and simple and then becoming more complex.

When you first start dating someone you're in dangerous territory.  People spook easily for the first little while.  So, when considering this it's best to take the easy and simple approach (I know this is counter intuitive to the Utah dating culture but it works). The first few dates serve one purpose and one purpose only: to decide if you ever want to see that person again.  To achieve this purpose it's best to do something like go to dinner or go for a walk, throw a frisbee around at a park or maybe hit up a local museum. Some place quiet where you can talk, an activity that can end after about an hour and a half to two hours.

You in Theory is usually better than you in Practice. Talk about what you like.  Talk about what your date likes.  Once you get a handle on that you'll see what's called "commonalities" these commonalities can prove helpful for future date ideas.  Once you start doing things you both like you've moved up a step in the evolution process-- you're a little more developed.  It's a little harder to spook each other in this phase, though not impossible.

After a jaunt in the wonderful world of commonalities you learn whether or not you want to be "committed."  If you do you get to go into the world where the person you're with is expected to do more things that you like to do that they wouldn't necessarily choose themselves and vice versa.  This is the appropriate time to ask them to go with you to a sporting event you are fond of but they don't care about.

It's when you're in a committed relationship that you start expanding what you do to learn more and more from the other person.  Granted sometimes it's okay when your walking through the Grove of Commonalities to ask for a date that stretches the other person's interests, but not before! 

Moral of the story: keep the first few dates short, simple and to the point.