Saying I Love You, Timing, and "The DTR Talk"

There are few things more nerve wracking in life than the first time you tell someone you love them.  You usually mean to say it awhile before it actually comes out and you hold your breath fully expecting the receiver of your love to say that he or she loves you too and then you will make out for awhile enjoying your mutual bliss.

Well, let's face it, that's not always how it goes down. I'm sure that a fair few of us have said those desperately meaningful and vulnerable words to only hear "thanks" in return.

It's rough, maybe a little embarrassing, but maybe just maybe that's because you're looking at the situation wrong. Stop expecting an "I love you too" in response because, my dears, not everyone falls in love at the same time and at the same speed.  If he or she doesn't have the honest emotion backing the response you're hoping for, be glad they didn't just say it to make for a less awkward experience.

While we're on the subject, let's talk commitment. There are a lot of hopeless romantics in the world out there.  But there are just as many, if not more, not-so-hopeless people (like me).

There was this one time I was dating a nice fellow for about 2 weeks, meaning about 4 dates.  On the fourth (maybe it was the fifth) date we were in a car accident.  I don't know if he saw his life flash before his eyes or what, but suddenly everything got much much more serious in his opinion.

Later that night, around 10ish he texted me, "can we talk?"  I knew right then and there some seriously awkward biz was about to go down.  I asked why, and tried to tell him I was tired, but he was persistent.

We met up and he went on and on and on and on about how he'd never been happier in his life and how his mom will just love me (and probably teach me how to sew) and on and on and on.  He then asked me to be his girlfriend.  I said no, that I wasn't ready to be his girlfriend, but that I was willing to continue dating and if it gets there it gets there.  His response included the following lines, "sometimes you just have to leap off the cliff into the darkness for a chance at love" and "it's my way or the highway."  Yep. I took the highway.  He was upset, and I got texts for weeks asking me if I'd reconsidered his offer. I didn't.

Sometimes I think back to that guy with mixed feelings, minus the crazy at the end I kinda liked him.  Sometimes I wonder what might have been if, ya know, he didn't go crazy and had just said, "okay, that's where I am.  Please respect me enough to not play with that, but let me know when you're ready."

If you're ready for a relationship, say so.  If he or she isn't (and you haven't had sex, been together for months, or have a child together) give them time to catch up to you, because chances are they will and they aren't just messing with your emotions.  It's okay to be a little more invested than the other person.  A relationship can only go as fast as the slower person.  Respect them.  And respect yourself enough to be honest and then not rest your happiness on their compliance.

I know this has been a long post, but let me finish up with this thought: Life is short, too short in fact to not be honest about how you feel.  It's better to say too much than not ever say what you feel you need to say.  But, and I've said this before, if you can't take the rejection you have no right asking the question.

May life and love be kind to you, and if it isn't, then in the very least be kind to yourself.