Expectations and Implications-- Men

I want to talk about expectations and implications.  I'm going to split this up by gender, though by doing such I don't expect that you take this as pure truth nor do I imply that each is wholly true of that half , nor do I suggest that what I write for men does not apply to women and vice versa, these are simply my observations.

To the Men:
My father can't seem to understand why I am not married and providing him with grandchildren.  He asked me recently why I don't have a boyfriend and why I don't date "more"-- whatever that means.  To this I responded:  "Men have many expectations, expectations of physical appearance, personality, and taste.  Generally speaking, I live up to none of these expectations."

He looked at me dubiously and I further explained. "Most men either like blondes or brunettes by default, I am neither.  Most guys like girls between about 5'0" and 5'7", I am 5'10" and thus much taller, the same height or very close to the same height as most men. Most men prefer women to be very thin and on the tan side of things, I am not very thin (granted I'm not fat either, just average) and I'm am pretty far from having tanned skin.  Most men prefer a girl who is flirtatious and bubbly, I am neither really.  Most men prefer athletic women who know a lot about sports and the like,  I am not and not shy about the fact."

My dad looked at me, nodded his head and told me I had a point.

A few months ago I was talking to a few guy friends of mine, one of them said to me, "Nicole, you're very pretty.  You always look so nice.  I like the way you dress." My other guy friend looked at me, a bit appraisingly, and then confirmed, "yeah, you are really pretty."  I looked at my friend of nearly two years and asked, "did you just notice that?" to which he responded, "well, ya know, you're not really my type so I didn't think much of it."

Here's the dealio  dear sweet objects of my affection, you have an interesting double standard going on.  On more than one occasion in which men are allowed to air their grievances with women and/or offer their advice they say something to the effects of "give guys a chance that you wouldn't normally.  Just because he isn't 'your type' doesn't mean he won't treat you really well and isn't really good for you.  Just give a guy a chance." That's good advice.  But let me ask you a question,

When is the last time you asked a girl out that you didn't find physically attractive?  When is the last time you fell for a girl that wasn't what you thought you wanted physically and/or mentally? 

Have you ever?

And if you have, did you give her more than one date? More than a couple of hours?

Be honest.

Interesting, isn't it?  I bet the vast majority of you have never thought of it that way.  You're so ready to criticize our "shallow" or "unrealistic" expectations while excusing your own.

Here's the problem, when you have high expectations about unimportant things like physical perfection or another persons interests you are going to have to deal with the switch.  Women will do and say almost anything to get the emotional feedback they want (kinda like how men will do and say almost anything to get the sexual feedback they want).  Problem is that women will make themselves into what they think you want.  They'll like all the same things as you, color their hair what they think men will respond to, dress, speak, act and play the way that men want them to in order to get what they want out of men.  Then, when a relationship is cemented, they "flip the switch."  Don't believe me, watch almost any male comedy film or TV show.  It's a popular topic. 

Why does that happen?  Because you provide positive feedback to the women who do things like that.  I'm honestly not trying to be accusatory, I'm not trying to blame anything, all I'm trying to do is help one of you to see the danger in your own double standard.   You aren't going to find perfection.  Just like you can't be perfect for someone else, they can't be perfect for you.

And one last thing before I let this one go, know what you imply to women.  Women pick up on subtle cues.  I know you don't think you're giving out subtle cues, but you are.  We see and read your body language, we hear what you say to your buddies about girls, we see the girls you stare at and with all of that we pick up on the implications.  Be careful what you imply to women, because it's there and it's real and we take it to heart.