"The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants"

     
   The title of this post is full of crap.  When my friends justify their dating blunders with "I can't help it, the heart wants what the heart wants," and then shrug their shoulders at me I can't help but wonder if they're maintaining brain function at all.  It makes me want to pull my hair out.

          Using this excuse to "justify" getting back together with someone who has royally screwed up tells me two things: #1- you haven't the courage to see what else life has to offer and #2- your "other half" has successfully manipulated your sense of self and that your identity is no longer your own.  (Feeling offended? Let me suggest that perhaps that is the case because you are in some serious need of what I have to say.)

          I was taught young that your heart and your mind each have a compass-like needle.  When they are both pointing in the same direction you can know you are doing what is right for you.  But, if your heart and mind are in serious conflict it's time to re-evaluate.

          I have a good friend who I love a lot.  I completely believe that she is one of the best people that I have ever met and consider my life better for her friendship.  All I want for this friend is her happiness, so when she excitedly told me that she is dating someone I was crazy happy for her.  I wanted to know all about this guy and asked all kinds of questions.  The more I asked the weirder I felt about him.  I have never talked to this guy, never met him, have never seen him before (not even on Facebook).  My impression of him is entirely formed by my friend and I am worried to report that he sounds like a total and complete tool.  What's even weirder is that she's never talked to me about him after a fight or while she was angry with him.

         I try not to be a judgmental person, I try to tell myself that I don't know this kid  and therefore I can't judge, but at the same time I can't help but find it curious that his girlfriend can't manage to make him sound good.  What is sad is how often this kind of thing happens.  I know you can all relate to having a friend who is blindly dating some girl or guy that is awful and you feel a little painted into a corner about what to do to help.  No one wants to be told that their current placement of affection is awful for them, especially from someone who "is supposed to be their friend"  but at the same time it's hard to feel like much of a friend if you don't say something.

          I don't believe in getting mixed up in other people's love lives, so I air on the side of caution and occasionally ask leading questions in hope that they figure things out for themselves.  But I wanted to do a public service today and say that I sincerely hope that if you ever find yourself saying those ugly seven words that you catch yourself and ask yourself why you felt the need to justify anything.  If the person is good for you and you are good for them there will be no need to justify.

          If you ever find yourself trying to logic yourself into liking someone when the heart isn't there, stop, it's not worth it.  Everyone deserves to be loved wholly and not just logically.  Also, if you ever find yourself trying to explain away the seemingly dumb actions of your affections maybe you should take the hint.