Life Phase Number Five

this is now my life

It’s been awhile my lovelies. A long while. So here is a brief on my life since the long while.

I finished at UVU and am now moving on to the next phase of my life.

I am interning at the Deseret News (major newspaper in Utah) and am learning some things about my life and what I want from it.

It is now officially 208 days until my 28^th birthday, which means I have 208 days to get where I’m going (wherever that may be… haven’t pinned that detail down just yet).

I am starting a new podcast with a new friend, so be excited. I am.

I’m at a very strange point in my life. Everything is changing and for the first time the changes are from a familiar to a completely unknown. I’ve never not known my next step, but against the grain of my personality I’m actually kind of excited about this great and vast unknown.

My life has never really been more my own. I don’t have roommates and I live far from my closest friends, so I’m not terribly involved in anyone’s life (outside my immediate family) and nobody's terribly involved in my life at the moment.

It feels like a terribly selfish place to be. Even though I have an aversion to selfishness, or at least admitting selfishness, I think this time in my life was divinely designed.

There have been four phases of my [adult] life (high school, Logan, Romania/post-Romania and UVU) that have been marked by significant change and now I’m looking into the dark and shadowy fifth.

I don’t really know what’s going to happen. I don’t know who’s going to be with me in it.

It’s terrifying.

It’s also kind of wonderful.

My mantra is don’t be intimidated, be inspired. So I am choosing inspiration. I’m choosing big plans and hard work over shrinking down into whatever I think may please the world.

My life has been blessed with wonderful opportunities (Logan, Romania, UVU, Ireland, the Review, Des News, etc.) and wonderful friends (Jesica, Krista, Holly, Savannah, Megan, Robert, Annalee, Brittany, etc.). I have no reason to believe that the rest of my life will not be so abundantly blessed.

I have loved every phase of my life and the friends who have come along with them. I have also deeply mourned the ends of those phases as they passed. But I am learning that they are merely chapters, not the whole book. The plot of my life thickens as it moves along. Even though loneliness has always been an underpinning theme, I believe that one day someone will come into my life and not be a part of a passing phase.

I also know that I need to do some frightening things before that will happen, because that’s how my life works.  

I have a mind full of big and impossible plans that I love and can no longer hide from. I have faith in my future, in my Savior and in my family.

208 days.