What Would Be Nice
Listen to this song, and then proceed. (But in my case, replace "woman" with "man"-- yeah).
In Mormon culture it's pretty typical for people to marry in their early twenties. In Utah culture, women are often criticized or pitied (for lack of better words) when they make it past 22 with no prospects. Men start to feel the pressure around 25. Luckily for me, I was raised by parents who broke that mold themselves and thus have never pressured me nor my siblings to marry young, or in anyway have implied that we are "getting a little old."
That being said, my mother talked to me after a relatively recent "break-up" and aired a concern she had for me that struck me pretty profoundly when I consider how diligent she is to not pressure us to fit into social norms. She told me that she worries that my lack of expectations in a potential partner makes for exorbitant, unguided, unrecognized expectations. Confused? So was I.
She went on to explain that my unfocused attempts at dating were causing me to not like most, because of my thoughtlessness and lack of expectations I was creating impossible dating situations because I would date anyone and then wallow in the confusion as to why the relationships never worked for me.
The woman had a point.
So, she gave me some advice, she told me to make that (dreaded) list of characteristics I would want in a spouse and father of my children. She then gave me some areas to think about (knowing that I lean to the unfocused side of things when it comes to dating and relationships).
So here are the areas and what not of which my mother made me think about.
Characteristics
In Mormon culture it's pretty typical for people to marry in their early twenties. In Utah culture, women are often criticized or pitied (for lack of better words) when they make it past 22 with no prospects. Men start to feel the pressure around 25. Luckily for me, I was raised by parents who broke that mold themselves and thus have never pressured me nor my siblings to marry young, or in anyway have implied that we are "getting a little old."
That being said, my mother talked to me after a relatively recent "break-up" and aired a concern she had for me that struck me pretty profoundly when I consider how diligent she is to not pressure us to fit into social norms. She told me that she worries that my lack of expectations in a potential partner makes for exorbitant, unguided, unrecognized expectations. Confused? So was I.
She went on to explain that my unfocused attempts at dating were causing me to not like most, because of my thoughtlessness and lack of expectations I was creating impossible dating situations because I would date anyone and then wallow in the confusion as to why the relationships never worked for me.
The woman had a point.
So, she gave me some advice, she told me to make that (dreaded) list of characteristics I would want in a spouse and father of my children. She then gave me some areas to think about (knowing that I lean to the unfocused side of things when it comes to dating and relationships).
So here are the areas and what not of which my mother made me think about.
Characteristics
- Integrity
- Calmness
- Accepting
- Positive
- Thinks outside the box
- Leader/Teacher mentality
- Logical
- Thoughtful
- Advocates for others
- Curious
Views of the World
- Live & Let Live Attitude
- Hopeful
- Educated
Interests/Goals
- Athletic
- Musical
- World travel
Views of the Family
- Equal responsibilities
- Wants to do FHE
- Loves the Lord above everyone else
Gospel
- Sound testimony
- Knowledgable
Physical
- Taller than me
- Attractive (to me)
- Healthy
- Fits into my family
Now, let it be known that I'm not looking for a guy that perfectly embodies all of these things, I'm not crazy, but I'm looking for potential. Thanks Mom for making me do this.
great post. your mom is very wise.
ReplyDelete