Communication Issues for Men & Women: In the Beginning Anyway

I love this poster thing-- so true of most girls.
This is more of a response to a comment I received on my shared post explaining to men how to approach women you don't know without getting maced.  This particular reader commented on other things to which I would like to respond more thoroughly if it weren't for the fact that this is such a public arena.  But there was one serious aspect to his comment that I feel needs response.  He wrote:

"When you want us to ask you out, tell us. When you are ready for us to kiss you, tell us. When you have decided you want to marry us, tell us it's OK for us to get down on bended knee and ask that question."

I understand, at least to some degree, that it isn't easy bearing the weight of initiation, but all the same, I almost wholly disagree with this statement.  

Men and women have very different communication and processing styles, this is obvious to just about everyone; the thing is that men want women to be straight forward and to pour their hearts out so that they (the men) can feel certain of their footing.  Problem is that takes men off the cliff and out of the wind, but puts women on the edge about to blow over.  

Women like to feel protected and safe, being vulnerable too soon and without cause isn't something a woman is going to do.

The great irony here is that the man, in the beginnings anyway, wants the woman to be really open about her feelings, to just say what she wants so that what?  He won't have to? I can see why fellas, it isn't an incomprehensible concept, the funny thing is that later, when the relationship is more established is usually the woman begging the man for an inkling as to what he feels or what he's thinking. Pattern much?  

It seems like if we ladies do what you fellas are asking it's a lose-lose situation for us and a win-win for you.

I've written about this before, and it's psychologically established knowledge so I feel pretty confident restating it,  women desire and need to feel safe at all costs.  And I'm not just talking about physical safety, I'm talking emotional, spiritual, mental, and social as well.  According to The Family: A Proclamation to the World it's the man's responsibility to provide, preside and protect.  If you can't do those things prior to marriage, how will we ever know that you can after?

I'm not saying that the woman can't be the first to say "I love you" or that she can't ask out a guy for a date, or that she shouldn't request any of the above,  what I dispute is the claim that we should have to.  

I appreciate any man who goes to great lengths to make a woman feel comfortable, but if those great lengths render the relationship impotent then there is an issue.