Thoughts on Happiness on April Fool's Day (it ain't not joke)

Utah Lake is best when no one is around. 

Well, I think it's finally happened. I am officially a bonafide adult. Not just a grown up, an adult. And no, it's not because I own a good/reliable car, or because I have health insurance, or because I have retirement savings. It's not even because I have my very own Costco card (which is what I always imagined would be the ribbon crossing moment).  I'm an adult because I've figured out that all that stuff the world tells you will make you happy is nonsense.  I can finally see the glimmer of truth through all the bullsh*t. (It's not swearing if you add an asterisk.) 

Here's where this thought came from:

This year feels like it's been speeding by. I am elated at the prospect of spring and all the colors and textures that come with it. I am unbelievably happy about warmer, more predictable weather, but a small part of me is sad to see March go. 

2016 has proven to be a great year so far and I can't remember the last great year I had. Maybe 2007? Maybe. 

I have what I like to call  a "mature optimism" for 2016. Gone are the dramatic "this year is going to be the best year ever!" expectations that I've foolishly placed on past years. I feel peacefully positive, yet realistic about 2016.

I believe this more mature vision of a new year comes with the understanding that difficult, disappointing, and sad things will happen, but there is a knowledge that I am capable of facing them with grace and perspective. 

At the same time, I know that 2016 will be filled with happy moments, tender mercies, laughter, adventures, acheivements, gratitude, and best of all a nephew. 

Life is as good as you acknowlege it to be. 

I think this new understanding comes from the dawning knowledge that to be happy is to balance self-acceptance with the drive to mold yourself into someone better. 

There seem to be two general schools of thought on how to be a happy, self-esteem filled person. 

1. Be uber driven (not to be confused with having an Uber driver). The more plans and goals and dream boards you have the better. There is this idea that you can plan, organize, and habit your way to happiness, contentment, and self-satisfaction. 

OR on the complete opposite side of the spectrum...

2.  Just accept yourself exactly as you  are. You don't need to lose weight or gain weight or lift weights. You don't need more education or better hair. You shouldn't allow society to tell you that you need to be better, you are already all you'll ever be, so learn to just love the person you already are. 

Of course neither of these philosophies can stand alone, even if we really want them to. They're insufficient. 

Once upon a time I thought that if I doggedly persued goals to fix my laundry list of faults, then I'd figure it all out and finally be cool with myself. I was convinced that if my goals were tailored enough,  it'd work.

Later, after the goals just made me crazy, I believed that if I could just be "at peace" with myself or completely non-judgmental of myself, then I'd be happy.  If I could just not care about my weight, or my acne, or my anti-social tendencies, then I'd have it all figured out and could live happily ever after. 

The first path leads you to the loony bin. The second path leads you to spiral into nothing much really. I'd suggest to avoid both paths. Neither is kind, neither is patient. 

Maybe path 2 seems kind and patient, but I found it to be a bit dehumanizing. A flower may not worry about being as pretty or as fregrant as the flower next to it, but it's a flower and I'm a human. I am capable of complex reasoning, humor, growth, and love.  

We humans are special in that we are capable of improving ourselves, of loving others, of creating beauty and insight. The real secret it to decide who you want to be and figure out a meandering path there.  This is of course not to be confused with what you want to be. 

I say a "meandering" path because there is great wisdom that comes from realizing getting where you want to go does (and should) take a while. 

It's okay if your life isn't quite what you thought it'd be. Just (in the words of Julie Flanders) work harder... and be patient and kind with yourself and others. 

It's okay to want to lose weight, so long as you know it'll likely take months, if not years to make your goal. And that's good, that's right, it'll last longer and you'll learn more if it does.

It's okay to want to be different so long as that vision of "different" is based in substantial personal principals like:  health (mental, emotional, physical and spiritual), equity, goodness, [personal] acheivement  and growth, etc. 

You really can be whoever you want to be. You are capable. In the words of the formidable Mary Kay Ash, "everything you need to be everything you've ever dreamed of being is already inside of you." You just need to look for it.