Fantastic Failure

A few weeks ago, on my last day in my Death & Dying class (yes that is a real class, and yes I'm a little bit morbid) my professor asked us to imagine if December 21, 2012 really was the end of the world and that Utah's "BIG ONE" earthquake were to happen. What if that fault line right down the Wasatch Front were to gape open and swallow all of us whole? She asked that we imagine ourselves, bruised, broken and bleeding at the bottom of that hole, knowing that it was only a matter of time before we breathed our last breath.

"What would you be most proud of?" she asked. "What about your life would bring you the most comfort at your impending death?"

My mind drew a complete and utter blank.

This worried me, so I started thinking cliche things, like my LDS mission (hardly), or my relationship with my mom (but what if some how she was alive and waiting to find out about my death, she'd be crushed! Not really comforting.) I thought about how I try to be kind to everyone... (meh, lame). My world travels (shallow).

At this point I started to panic. I looked around the room and there were THREE, count that THREE people crying! Who are these people? Who am I? Cold and dead inside. Clearly, Brittany was right.

The professor asked if anyone wanted to share. This one guy gave a poignant vision of how he would turn to his wife, grasp her hand and say, "we did well. I love you." Another lady talked about her children. One guy talked about his foundation for clean water in the Dominican Republic.

I felt a bit like a sham, so I avoided eye contact with my professor and the people crying.

I thought on the subject for the rest of the day and here is what I came up with for what would bring me comfort: I am a fantastic failure.

Now, now, now hold you're encouraging comments about how much you love me and how amazing I am for a minute and hear me out.

I fail at just about everything I attempt. But, not once has failing ever stopped me from trying again. It has never occurred to me that failure means anything significant. I just do it over until I get it right. I'm freaking Thomas the Tank Engine! And yes I'm happy about that.