"But, I don't want him to think I like him or something."
There is a wise woman by the name of Colleen Terry, and she's the kind of wise woman that others go to in search of dating advice. She told me that one of the dumbest things people of my generation tell her all the time is, "But, I don't want him/her to think I like him/her."
Colleen told me of a young woman that came to her office seeking wisdom in regards to a certain young man that she fancied. This young woman was a casual acquaintance of this fanciable young man, but she wanted more. Colleen asked, "well, how often do you talk to this guy?"
"Not often, just when the chance comes up."
"What do you mean by 'chance'?" asked Colleen.
"When we happen to be sitting at the same table at a gathering, or something like that."
"Okay, how often do you see him?"
"At least five times a week."
"And out of those five times, how often does this 'chance' to talk occur?"
"Um, well it depends, sometimes a lot, sometimes never."
"Well, if you see him five times a week why don't you talk to him at least five times a week?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, when you see him why don't you walk up and start talking to him?"
"Just go up and talk to him?"
"Yes...why not?"
"About what?"
"About anything, you just need to let him know that you could be an option for him."
"But, I don't want him to think I like him or something."
***Awkward Pause***
"Why the heck not? You do like him don't you?
"Well, yeah, but he doesn't need to know that!"
"Oh yes he does!"
So, this girl kinda sounds like an idiot, but I know that you all know that she's very relatable. We all do this subconsciously at least. This happened to me, but in a roundabout way last spring. This guy that I knew (and knew that he liked me) asked me if I wanted to come over to his place to watch a movie. I told him I would, but that particular night I would be getting off work later and I should probably just meet him at his place. He said that he'd cook me dinner since he knew I wouldn't have a chance to eat before. I was appreciative of the thoughtfulness. In fact I was pretty proud of this guy for his straightforwardness, that was until later.
I went over, we ate (fettuccine Alfredo) and watched the movie, then talked until the wee hours of the morning. It was fun. Then he asked me if I'd like to go to a hockey game with him the next week. I said yes. Then as he walked me to my car he "just wanted to be sure" that I knew this wasn't a date. I paused for a moment, then asked, "no? Okay, is the hockey game going to be a date?" He said it would be (of course!). A little confused, I asked what tonight was if not a date. He said we were just hanging out, and didn't want me to think it was more than that. ....what? Why? (I can only assume this was the test hangout to see if I would actually say yes, and then see if I was actually worth more time and money--phew I'm glad I passed?) "...um, okay then" I said then got in my car. I kinda knew then that this was going to be a disaster.
And it was.
To avoid raging hypocrisy I'm going to say that I hope we can all be a little more mature about this. So what if you like someone and they know it? Yeah, you risk getting hurt or embarrassed, but life is one gigantic embarrassing boxing match anyway, at least you'll leave it with a few less what ifs and maybes.
This is something that I'm going to work at being better at as a twenty-five year old (it's convenient to have a birthday in early January), wearing my heart on my sleeve. So look out men in my life, I'm coming for you! (ba! hahahahaha! okay, that was creepy, and I couldn't type that without laughing, but ya know what I mean). Let's all throw a little bit of sensibility out the window.
~~“I’m going to suggest that the next time you get a message from the one you love, the only person in the world you [want to] love and can’t talk to, that you respond. And you just write back when they ask you if you’re up, and you’re up, just write back, “Yup, come on over.” Cause life is just too short to keep playing the game. Cause if you really want somebody, you’ll figure it out later. Otherwise, you’ll be laying in bed with a Blackberry on your chest staring at it, doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, “PRRR, PRRR, PRRR.” [John Mayer]
Colleen told me of a young woman that came to her office seeking wisdom in regards to a certain young man that she fancied. This young woman was a casual acquaintance of this fanciable young man, but she wanted more. Colleen asked, "well, how often do you talk to this guy?"
"Not often, just when the chance comes up."
"What do you mean by 'chance'?" asked Colleen.
"When we happen to be sitting at the same table at a gathering, or something like that."
"Okay, how often do you see him?"
"At least five times a week."
"And out of those five times, how often does this 'chance' to talk occur?"
"Um, well it depends, sometimes a lot, sometimes never."
"Well, if you see him five times a week why don't you talk to him at least five times a week?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, when you see him why don't you walk up and start talking to him?"
"Just go up and talk to him?"
"Yes...why not?"
"About what?"
"About anything, you just need to let him know that you could be an option for him."
"But, I don't want him to think I like him or something."
***Awkward Pause***
"Why the heck not? You do like him don't you?
"Well, yeah, but he doesn't need to know that!"
"Oh yes he does!"
So, this girl kinda sounds like an idiot, but I know that you all know that she's very relatable. We all do this subconsciously at least. This happened to me, but in a roundabout way last spring. This guy that I knew (and knew that he liked me) asked me if I wanted to come over to his place to watch a movie. I told him I would, but that particular night I would be getting off work later and I should probably just meet him at his place. He said that he'd cook me dinner since he knew I wouldn't have a chance to eat before. I was appreciative of the thoughtfulness. In fact I was pretty proud of this guy for his straightforwardness, that was until later.
I went over, we ate (fettuccine Alfredo) and watched the movie, then talked until the wee hours of the morning. It was fun. Then he asked me if I'd like to go to a hockey game with him the next week. I said yes. Then as he walked me to my car he "just wanted to be sure" that I knew this wasn't a date. I paused for a moment, then asked, "no? Okay, is the hockey game going to be a date?" He said it would be (of course!). A little confused, I asked what tonight was if not a date. He said we were just hanging out, and didn't want me to think it was more than that. ....what? Why? (I can only assume this was the test hangout to see if I would actually say yes, and then see if I was actually worth more time and money--phew I'm glad I passed?) "...um, okay then" I said then got in my car. I kinda knew then that this was going to be a disaster.
And it was.
To avoid raging hypocrisy I'm going to say that I hope we can all be a little more mature about this. So what if you like someone and they know it? Yeah, you risk getting hurt or embarrassed, but life is one gigantic embarrassing boxing match anyway, at least you'll leave it with a few less what ifs and maybes.
This is something that I'm going to work at being better at as a twenty-five year old (it's convenient to have a birthday in early January), wearing my heart on my sleeve. So look out men in my life, I'm coming for you! (ba! hahahahaha! okay, that was creepy, and I couldn't type that without laughing, but ya know what I mean). Let's all throw a little bit of sensibility out the window.
~~“I’m going to suggest that the next time you get a message from the one you love, the only person in the world you [want to] love and can’t talk to, that you respond. And you just write back when they ask you if you’re up, and you’re up, just write back, “Yup, come on over.” Cause life is just too short to keep playing the game. Cause if you really want somebody, you’ll figure it out later. Otherwise, you’ll be laying in bed with a Blackberry on your chest staring at it, doing nothing for the rest of the night, hoping that it goes, “PRRR, PRRR, PRRR.” [John Mayer]
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