Why Men & Women Fight: Safety vs Respect

A wise man (named Matt Townsend) once said that 9 times out of 10 when a man and woman are fighting, whatever it may be "about" it is actually about the fact that the woman doesn't feel safe and the man doesn't feel respected/trusted.  He talked about how women will do or say anything to feel safe and how men desperately want to be respected/trusted.

I started thinking about this, and the more I thought the more I realized it's absolutely true.  Mr. Townsend  gave an example of a wife going to her husband and asking if he paid the tax bill.  A little annoyed the husband replies that he planned on paying it tomorrow.  Wife says that she was just asking.  Husband, trying to brush it off says something about how he said he'll pay it and he will.  And BAM! a fight (big or small).  The wife only asked so that she could feel safe and secure in knowing that it had been paid.  The husband was frustrated because he felt that the question implied a lack of trust.  Did they know that?  Probably not.

I'm telling you guys that this is one of the truest things I've heard in a while.  I started thinking about tiffs I've had with my guy friends, arguments with guys I was dating, run ins with my dad and blow outs with my brother, and I'm telling you right now, every single time it was about my safety (not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, mentally or socially) and my trust in or respect for the man involved.

Example time:  There is this really great guy I know who called me up and asked me if I wanted to go and do this particular sporting event with him.  I really, and honestly wanted to go out with this guy, problem was with this sporting activity: do to an old injury I literally cannot run for more than a few yards at a time (my physical safety was called a bit into question).  I told him this, he offered another activity which, without great detail we'll just say would have called my social safety into question (at least in my opinion).  I was mortified to back out again, but in my awkward attempt to make no big deal out of the situation I phrased it in a way that sounded a little... rude.  Immediately I knew I made a mistake because he turned so fast on the defensive that I didn't know how to regroup the situation.  Needless to say that didn't go anywhere after that.    He didn't feel at all respected by me.

I wish I could go back and fix that conversation, but it's pretty far in the past right about now, and I definitely didn't understand at the time what either of us were actually bugged about, so oh well I guess.

I guess all I'm trying to say is that if someone of the opposite gender is important to you and you care to make that relationship work: Gentlemen--be sure that you keep her feeling safe; and Ladies-- Be careful not to be disrespectful or imply that you don't trust him.

If a relationship matters to you, maintain it.