Dear Men-- Whitney Donald
This is a letter from my fabulous and crazily adventurous friend Whitney. She lives the dream, I'll say that much for her. Here is her honest letter to men.
Dear Men,
Oh, if only you could see me now! Or see me tomorrow. Or see me ever for that matter. You know, it's the craziest thing, I don't think any man has ever seen me. No, Im not asking you if you have ever seen me naked. PS- no one has since I was about 7. (Except that neighbor incident while i was watering the flowers on my balcony. ) Yes, maybe you've seen me everyday or just seen me around wearing one of my many amazing dresses. But I'm not asking you to see me with your physical eyes. I'm asking you to see me for who I really am. Which, by the way, is a totally amazing kick-a** woman.
My most recent birthday was the most difficult birthday I've ever had. Normally I'd think that people who were sad and upset about another birthday were crazy. You're not dead yet! Party! But this birthday was a significant marker in the history of my life. The timeline reads, "10 years since Whitney's first and only kiss." I have only been kissed once my whole life and believe me, it was not the most substantial of kisses. (btw it is a totally awesome/awful story that would need a whole other post to tell it in all it's 17 year old drama glory.) I don't let it get to me usually, "It'll happen when it happens," but it hit me harder than a freight train. A whole decade of my life has been lived, all of which I remember like it was yesterday, and it has been quite an extraordinary life thus far! But how is it that this aspect of my life has been completely absent like Ferris Bueller? (I don't even get the perks of the occasional shenanigan.) I have had plenty of crushes and interest in others, and have even told a few of them how I felt or asked them out, all to be turned down, turned away, or ignored. It's been a one way street, which always results in a dead end.
I've seen so many other women who are completely amazing who don't have men pursuing them. In any way. 'What? She is the coolest person on this planet! Why hasn't she been snatched up?' I have thought a lot about why this could be, in my life and in others. Am I doing something wrong? Am I too focused on my career? Am I too chubby? Do I have a gnome down there? (PS- the answer to all of those is no.) Well, if it isn't any of those, what in the world is it?
My dear gents. I don't know that the following statements are the entire 'problem', but in my observations over the last year I feel there are two things I can use to explain.
1) You are prematurely judging me. Us. Whoever. There must be something inside of you that says, "Too blonde, too tall, too chubby, too ambitious, too shy, too fun, too skinny, too talkative, too old, too dumb, too smart, too googly eyed to bother to get to know beyond this interaction."
It's important to make a first impression, but are we so horrible and offensive each and every time that you really could have no possible interest in having another 5 minute conversation at our next meeting?
I feel that most women are willing to forgive the lesser attributes or faults of a potential mate than men are of women. Well, at least we are willing to give you several shots because we can see in you the potential that you hold. I'm not so sure it happens the other way around. It seems like if I don't have everything on your checklist from the start you act like I am invisible. What makes you pass over me? Is it that you don't like strawberry blonde curly hair and aqua eyes? Is it that you don't like cheerful and loving girls? Is it that you don't like having fun? Is it that you don't like girls that aren't a size 4? (Sorry to tell you, but you don't get a rack like mine at 130 lbs.) It seems that you aren't making the same amount of effort that I am in getting to know you better.
It's totally fine if you find me repulsive and obnoxious. But I can't believe that every man feels that way. How many times has someone told you, "I thought you were pretty awesome to begin with but the more I get to know you the more amazing you are." I have heard this at least 1,000 times, give or take 357. From guys and gals alike. Then what the freak is the problem??
Which leads me to my next observation.
2) The Man-baby syndrome is reaching full contagion levels. A description by Robert Greene, with the occasional interjection by me. "Some people refuse to grow up. Perhaps they are afraid of death or of growing old; perhaps they are passionately attached to the life they led as children. Disliking responsibility, they struggle to turn everything into play and recreation.
"In their twenties they can be 'charming' (the first time you meet them), in their thirties 'interesting' (if by 'interesting' you mean, 'Isn't it interesting that they have somehow lived to be this age acting like this?'), but by the time they reach their forties they are beginning to wear thin (at this point it is just flat out ridiculous).
"The Aging Baby does not want competition, but an adult figure. By being responsible you free the Baby to play. Aging Babies can be amusing for a while, but, like all children, they are often potently narcissistic. This limits the pleasure you can have with them. "
Does this sound like a few people you know? Males of my generation are not real men. "They don't make them like they used to." They are still boys that want to play video games all day, don't want to answer to anything besides their whims, and have no real ambition in any aspect of their life. I applaud those few who do not fit this description. (I ask of those few to call me if you are single.) I'm not saying you have to be serious, dull, and have no fun or personality. Ive never had more fun in my entire life as I have had the last two years! What I am saying is that you need to grow up and be mature in certain ways, especially if you are over 25. You gotta have some idea of what you want out of life at that point and I expect you to work towards making those things happen. And just so you know, things don't happen over night and that's okay.
As far as career and education goes, Ive been working for 8 years to get where I am now. As long as you are working and trying to accomplish your goals, that's as good as anyone could ask for. And no, I do not count getting the highest score in the latest Gears of War as your life goal.
If anyone cares to know, I've included a few fictional/ real men that I am in love with. (Of course, I'm only giving examples of well known people. They will be the easiest to study examples. If I said my long time friend Matt, you don't know him and can't google him, so that's not helpful at all.) Sure, they all have their faults and shortcomings, but I love them whole heartedly anyway. I'd only want the same in return after all.
In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, Jane says, "I have always known myself. But he was the first to recognize me and to love what he saw." Those are words I cannot wait to proclaim to the world. That's a love that I can't wait to reciprocate with all my soul. The day that I am loved for who I am from a real man will be the greatest mark on the timeline of my life.
Love, Whitney
A Real (freakin awesome) Woman
Fictional/ Real Men I'm in Love With in no particular order
(a whole separate analysis of these men's characteristics and qualities could be another blog.)
Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre
Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny
Rob Petrie from The Dick Van Dyke Show
Dick Van Dyke- my current number one. Even at 86, I would absolutely marry him in a heartbeat.
Gene Kelly
Uncle Jessie from Full House
John Stamos
Hugh Jackman
Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games
Dear Men,
Oh, if only you could see me now! Or see me tomorrow. Or see me ever for that matter. You know, it's the craziest thing, I don't think any man has ever seen me. No, Im not asking you if you have ever seen me naked. PS- no one has since I was about 7. (Except that neighbor incident while i was watering the flowers on my balcony. ) Yes, maybe you've seen me everyday or just seen me around wearing one of my many amazing dresses. But I'm not asking you to see me with your physical eyes. I'm asking you to see me for who I really am. Which, by the way, is a totally amazing kick-a** woman.
My most recent birthday was the most difficult birthday I've ever had. Normally I'd think that people who were sad and upset about another birthday were crazy. You're not dead yet! Party! But this birthday was a significant marker in the history of my life. The timeline reads, "10 years since Whitney's first and only kiss." I have only been kissed once my whole life and believe me, it was not the most substantial of kisses. (btw it is a totally awesome/awful story that would need a whole other post to tell it in all it's 17 year old drama glory.) I don't let it get to me usually, "It'll happen when it happens," but it hit me harder than a freight train. A whole decade of my life has been lived, all of which I remember like it was yesterday, and it has been quite an extraordinary life thus far! But how is it that this aspect of my life has been completely absent like Ferris Bueller? (I don't even get the perks of the occasional shenanigan.) I have had plenty of crushes and interest in others, and have even told a few of them how I felt or asked them out, all to be turned down, turned away, or ignored. It's been a one way street, which always results in a dead end.
I've seen so many other women who are completely amazing who don't have men pursuing them. In any way. 'What? She is the coolest person on this planet! Why hasn't she been snatched up?' I have thought a lot about why this could be, in my life and in others. Am I doing something wrong? Am I too focused on my career? Am I too chubby? Do I have a gnome down there? (PS- the answer to all of those is no.) Well, if it isn't any of those, what in the world is it?
My dear gents. I don't know that the following statements are the entire 'problem', but in my observations over the last year I feel there are two things I can use to explain.
1) You are prematurely judging me. Us. Whoever. There must be something inside of you that says, "Too blonde, too tall, too chubby, too ambitious, too shy, too fun, too skinny, too talkative, too old, too dumb, too smart, too googly eyed to bother to get to know beyond this interaction."
It's important to make a first impression, but are we so horrible and offensive each and every time that you really could have no possible interest in having another 5 minute conversation at our next meeting?
I feel that most women are willing to forgive the lesser attributes or faults of a potential mate than men are of women. Well, at least we are willing to give you several shots because we can see in you the potential that you hold. I'm not so sure it happens the other way around. It seems like if I don't have everything on your checklist from the start you act like I am invisible. What makes you pass over me? Is it that you don't like strawberry blonde curly hair and aqua eyes? Is it that you don't like cheerful and loving girls? Is it that you don't like having fun? Is it that you don't like girls that aren't a size 4? (Sorry to tell you, but you don't get a rack like mine at 130 lbs.) It seems that you aren't making the same amount of effort that I am in getting to know you better.
It's totally fine if you find me repulsive and obnoxious. But I can't believe that every man feels that way. How many times has someone told you, "I thought you were pretty awesome to begin with but the more I get to know you the more amazing you are." I have heard this at least 1,000 times, give or take 357. From guys and gals alike. Then what the freak is the problem??
Which leads me to my next observation.
2) The Man-baby syndrome is reaching full contagion levels. A description by Robert Greene, with the occasional interjection by me. "Some people refuse to grow up. Perhaps they are afraid of death or of growing old; perhaps they are passionately attached to the life they led as children. Disliking responsibility, they struggle to turn everything into play and recreation.
"In their twenties they can be 'charming' (the first time you meet them), in their thirties 'interesting' (if by 'interesting' you mean, 'Isn't it interesting that they have somehow lived to be this age acting like this?'), but by the time they reach their forties they are beginning to wear thin (at this point it is just flat out ridiculous).
"The Aging Baby does not want competition, but an adult figure. By being responsible you free the Baby to play. Aging Babies can be amusing for a while, but, like all children, they are often potently narcissistic. This limits the pleasure you can have with them. "
Does this sound like a few people you know? Males of my generation are not real men. "They don't make them like they used to." They are still boys that want to play video games all day, don't want to answer to anything besides their whims, and have no real ambition in any aspect of their life. I applaud those few who do not fit this description. (I ask of those few to call me if you are single.) I'm not saying you have to be serious, dull, and have no fun or personality. Ive never had more fun in my entire life as I have had the last two years! What I am saying is that you need to grow up and be mature in certain ways, especially if you are over 25. You gotta have some idea of what you want out of life at that point and I expect you to work towards making those things happen. And just so you know, things don't happen over night and that's okay.
As far as career and education goes, Ive been working for 8 years to get where I am now. As long as you are working and trying to accomplish your goals, that's as good as anyone could ask for. And no, I do not count getting the highest score in the latest Gears of War as your life goal.
If anyone cares to know, I've included a few fictional/ real men that I am in love with. (Of course, I'm only giving examples of well known people. They will be the easiest to study examples. If I said my long time friend Matt, you don't know him and can't google him, so that's not helpful at all.) Sure, they all have their faults and shortcomings, but I love them whole heartedly anyway. I'd only want the same in return after all.
In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre, Jane says, "I have always known myself. But he was the first to recognize me and to love what he saw." Those are words I cannot wait to proclaim to the world. That's a love that I can't wait to reciprocate with all my soul. The day that I am loved for who I am from a real man will be the greatest mark on the timeline of my life.
Love, Whitney
A Real (freakin awesome) Woman
Fictional/ Real Men I'm in Love With in no particular order
(a whole separate analysis of these men's characteristics and qualities could be another blog.)
Mr. Rochester from Jane Eyre
Mr. Sheffield from The Nanny
Rob Petrie from The Dick Van Dyke Show
Dick Van Dyke- my current number one. Even at 86, I would absolutely marry him in a heartbeat.
Gene Kelly
Uncle Jessie from Full House
John Stamos
Hugh Jackman
Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games
Whitney IS a freakin awesome woman. And, for the record, I think I am in love with Gene Kelly too. He's the epitome of man.
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness! i wholeheartedly agree with scoot...whitney truly is a real (freakin awesome) woman. i could not have said it better myself. i agree with every last detail!
ReplyDeleteI was completely in love with this from the start, but Uncle Jesse and Gene Kelly just sealed the deal. I remain convinced that there are a few stellar men still out there somewhere, I just don't know where to find them. And we certainly could use more of them.
ReplyDeleteWhitney is the most genuine, honest, funny, fun-loving, smart woman I know!! You need someone who has that same "package" to be your equal! You would not be happy with anything less and neither would HE! He is wondering where YOU are!! You are in each others timeline! I know it's hard to be patient! But Prince Charming is out there looking for YOU, too!! It will be worth the wait!! <3
ReplyDelete